Is This Really Happening?
by Little Miss Magnetiser
Summary: What happens when Neil finds himself in a strange bed with Will's mother? This is really just a set of ficlets strung together to make one story, assuming that isn't an oxymoron (ooh, I'm beginning to sound like Will).
1. Chapter 1

"Close your eyes, Neil", said a voice from the bathroom. Neil was lying in a luxurious king size bed in a dimly lit hotel bedroom. He had nothing on except his towelling socks. The voice coming from the bedroom was female and somehow familiar. He decided to do as he was told, and closed his eyes. I hope this is real, he thought to himself.

"Okay, you can open them." Standing at the foot of the bed was Will's mum, wearing a see-through negligee over a slinky black bra and knickers set. "M-Mrs. McKenzie, you look gorgeous", he stuttered.

"Call me Polly", she replied, slowly crawling over the bed covers towards him. Neil's eyes were out on stalks as the older woman slowly peeled off her negligee and then traced her fingertip along his lower lip. "Uh - are we gonna do it, Polly?" he asked her in a quivering voice as her finger moved to trace the outline of his ear. At that exact moment, he felt a cold hand on his back.


	2. Chapter 2

Neil opened his eyes to find himself lying on his side in another bed, in a very chilly room. This bed was a lot harder than the hotel one, with scratchy blankets - and was closer in size to an ordinary single bed. There were yellowish curtains over the window but they were thin, and the light was streaming through. The cold hand - who could it belong to?

Neil slowly shifted onto his other side to find Mr. Gilbert in bed with him. Gilbert was gazing into his eyes. I was wondering when you'd wake up", said the teacher. He took Neil's hand and rubbed it against his chest. Neil gazed at Mr. Gilbert's thick grey chest hair and wondered what had been going on in this bed. As in his dream, Neil was naked except for his towelling socks, while Mr. Gilbert was wearing a pair of boxer shorts. "I would just like to say thank you very much for last night", Gilbert said. Neil was trying to say something along the lines of "What am I doing here with you", but nothing would come out. His bum hole felt strange, kind of... open. He also found he could barely move, apart from wriggling about a bit in the bed.

"I always thought you and your little group of friends weren't quite as macho as you made out", continued Mr. Gilbert, sitting up and putting Neil's head in his lap. This was far freakier than being felt up by Paedo Kennedy. Gilbert was starting to stroke his hair now. Neil wanted to scream but again, nothing would come out. All of a sudden, he heard a rooster crowing.


	3. Chapter 3

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Neil's eyes flew open and he realised he wasn't in the chilly room with Gilbert but in Jay's family's caravan. Lifting his head and looking around, he could recognise the pink curtains, which were drawn but had a rosy coloured light streaming through them. Putting his head back under the covers, he wriggled his feet, which were clad in towelling socks. Although he was in a caravan bed, it felt a lot more comfortable than the bed he'd been in with Mr. Gilbert. It was quite nice to be under the snuggly duvet with only his bare bum sticking out...

Slap! Neil looked up to see Jay stood over him. Jay was bare chested, with a pair of black tracksuit bottoms on and a pair of black slippers on his feet. "Oi oi, saucy", his friend said, grinning. "How's that arse doing?"

Neil turned his head to look at his bum. Just like in that dream with Mr. Gilbert, the hole felt sort of open. "Jay", he tried to say but it came out sounding more like "Dah".

"Oh mate", said Jay. "I never thought I could have feelings for another bloke, but you, you've shown me the way. Last night was well horny." Jay dropped a kiss on top of Neil's head. "Hey, who'd have thought we'd end up getting it on with each other? I don't care if my Dad calls me a poof, I'd rather be that than be like him. Oh well, who needs girls now?" And with that, Jay pulled the duvet aside, knelt on the floor beside the bed and started licking the small of Neil's back.

"Neil!" That was Simon's voice - he sounded aghast. "Oh my God", exclaimed Neil.


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh my God." Neil's eyes opened to see another strange bedroom. This time, the light came streaming through a pair of floral curtains. He pushed back the duvet to reveal his body - naked apart from a pair of towelling socks. And once again his bum hole had that open feeling. The door burst open and an angry Simon marched into the bedroom wearing a pair of rubber gloves and carrying a bin liner. "Cover yourself up, you pervert!" he shouted. Neil pulled the duvet back over himself, as the thought flickered across his brain that maybe Simon was the one he'd been involved with last night. "Simon, what have we been doing?" he asked.

"We? What have YOU been doing? You've been in the bathroom shoving Duplo up your arse! There are shitty Duplo bricks all over the bathroom mat! That's the last time I invite you to my auntie's holiday cottage. My little cousin plays with those bricks! We'll have to throw them away now, and YOU'RE paying for a new set!" With that, he marched back out of the bedroom.

"And that's how it happened", said Neil to Will a few hours later as they wandered back from the local shop. Will looked disturbed, as well he might. Mr. Gilbert, Jay, his Mum. "Neil, promise me you'll never tell me anything about your dreams again", he said prissily. "Or what you like to do with plastic bricks."

"Okay", replied Neil brightly. "Anyway, that's two out of three for the wank bank." Will stood rooted to the spot as Neil went on his merry way, swinging his shopping bag. Will had long had to deal with the fact that his Mum was a fixture in his friends' collective wank bank but... two out of three? Was the other one of the two Jay... or Mr. Gilbert?

Will shook his head and hurried to catch up with possibly the most liberated of his three friends.


End file.
